How Do I Get My Spouse to Pay More Attention to Me?

Husband and wife hugging

Remember the days when every moment spent with your significant other was magical, passionate, and full of love and life?

There is a time in every relationship when both partners feel like they have never been happier. So they dream and plan a life together, get married, have children, and live the dream.

Everything is wonderful except… your husband or wife no longer pays attention to you.

Regardless of whether you’ve been married for 10 years or 10 days, the “magic” can fade.

If this sounds all too familiar, you might feel lonely, lost, and a little hurt. If you are struggling with trying to get your spouse to pay more attention to you, then this article is for you. Here are some tips on how to bring back some of that newly-wed magic into your marriage.

5 Tips for Getting Your Spouse to Pay Attention to You

If you are frustrated, hurt, or disappointed with your spouse for how little time he or she has been spending with you, a conversation with them can go a long way… Your first thought might be to hurt your spouses’ feelings or put him or her down because you are hurt, but this is an ineffective tactic and it will likely end up hurting your relationship or marriage over the long run.

Rather than starting an argument, consider using positive and loving affirmations, such as “I really love it when you are attentive to me,” or “I really love it when we spend time together.” These are great examples of what you can say to steer the conversation towards getting him or her to pay more attention to you.

Again, if you are coming at your spouse or partner from a place of hurt and anger, it is easy to start an argument—even if you don’t intend to; this is just what happens when emotions are high. However, building a “safe space” will allow your partner to feel confident and open with talking to about issues that may be bothering him or her without fear of yelling, screaming, or arguing.

After building a “safe space”, you can calmly, productively, and lovingly ask him or her why you might not be spending as much time together. In fact, creating a “safe space” might immediately bridge the gap between your spouse being distant and you regaining that missing marital magic.

Ladies, this point is for you. Many women have admitted to using or currently use sex as a weapon to get their partners or spouses to pay more attention to them. This is always a mistake. Your physical, intimate relationship with your spouse or partner is meant to be a symbol and act of your love; not a bargaining chip.

For example, if your partner or spouse doesn’t do something you want to do, or says something you dislike or that was hurtful, the answer shouldn’t be to “close down the fort” at the end of the day in the bedroom.

Men don’t think the same way that women do; he will more likely feel confused, unwanted, and take it personally before he realizes it’s because he didn’t put the dishes in the dishwasher earlier in the day or answer your text.

If you have been married for some time, then you are likely slipping into a “comfortable” level or you rely on your partner to do certain things. However, becoming overly reliant on them can make them feel unappreciated and even trapped. In fact, this can cause a pretty unhealthy situation, which ultimately drives distance between partners—physically and emotionally.

Try loosening the reigns a bit. Try doing something for him or her that you would normally rely on them to do and see where that takes you.

When was the last time you did something special for your spouse or partner without a reason? When was the last time you told him or her “I love you”?

These are small, subtle reminders of your feelings for your partner that make a big, noticeable impact—every time. Your spouse or partner might feel distant from you because they might be missing that special connection. Rather than wait for him or her to do or notice something, take the initiative to bring back the romance. Remember, a marriage takes two.

Where to Turn for Help

These are some easy tips you can easily try to close the distance between you and your spouse, restore a connection, and bring back the magical romance. If you have already tried these tips, among others, then there might be a deeper issue.

Depending on your partner’s personality, it might be difficult to get to the root of the issue that is bothering him or her. If a conversation between the two of you doesn’t work, then you may want to consider therapy.

If you believe your marriage is headed for divorce, we are here to help. Our legal team is happy to provide you with the support you need, answer your questions, and guide you through the process.

Travis Walker Law is based in Stuart, FL and serves clients in Martin County, St. Lucie County, and Palm Beach County. Whether you’re in Stuart, Port St. Lucie, Ft. Pierce, Hobe Sound, Tequesta, or anywhere on the Treasure Coast or the Palm Beaches, we’re here for you.

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